Who's In The Mirror?

 


Gawd, I despise her.

What she's become.

She used to be so full of life. She used to be so full of dreams. She had a flame in her soul that needed no spark. She fought for herself. She fought to make a life as she needed. She fought with all she had. Fighting only to make herself better. Small and frail but broke her back to make herself stronger. To be a better worker, to be a better friend, to be a better wife and to be a better mother. 

She fought until it nearly killed her.


All her optimism is wilting. She's turned jaded. She's weak and frail again...Seemingly much worse than before. 

Stupid, broken and pathetic. 

.......................................................


I'm messed up. What can I say? I'm not ok and I haven't been for a long time. All I really want is to make a living with my creations. I don't ask much, just enough to raise my daughter well. Get her everything she needs. Start a business making and selling things. I know I can I have my daughter as motivation but...Where is my motivation...?

I have the brain, I have the materials and tools, I have the imagination, the creativity. I have the business know how. I have TIME when my 5 year old goes to school...

...So why can't I pick up some clay or whatever and start making things?!?

I guess it's just depression?  

There's so much more I'm not ready to disclose yet. But life has been weighing heavily on me. I'm not one to jump online and start complaining and I'm pretty introverted. 

I used to use all my pain and heartache in a creative manner...now it almost feels pointless. But maybe, just maybe, if I can make something with my life, even through all the uncertainty and hopelessness, maybe my pain can reach others and somehow give them hope and a positive message...


Take care, 

-Wolfy

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Loner

I'm sitting here, in a Tim Hortons. It's a sunny, April afternoon. My kiddo's at school and I'm running errands. I just ordered a couple sausage English muffins, an xl tt coffee and a 'brookie'. I'm hungry.  I'm alone. I like coming here for the energy. If I see someone I know, I'll say hi but I'm not going to invite anyone to sit with me. I'm just weird that way. I'm polite, kind and courteous...but it doesn't necessarily mean I like someone. I'm probably smiling at the thought of hacking their brains in!  Naw...I don't like people but I can't hurt them either. I get thoughts but that's as far as it goes.  Damn ADHD,I'm getting off track.  Mind you, that's another reason I don't talk to people. If I truely said what was on my mind, I'd end up in an institute. People don't have to like me...and they don't NEED to know why. My thoughts stay in my brain for a reason.  I'm strange. I'm a we...
Read more

Intro: A Taste Of My Mental State...And Art!

Image
Hey there, Freaks! 😁 I go by Wolfy Bathory. My alias is a mesh of "Wolfy", The Wolf. My spirit animal. A majestic, family oriented beast. One that can survive alone but works best in a pack fused by respect and love; Fueled by the will to survive and protect the pack. I'd claimed the name "Bathory" many years ago. Back in my my mid-teens, I'd developed an obsession with The Blood Countess, Elizabeth Bathory. I'm not going to dive into my obsession here, I'll just say that I romanticized everything about her. She was my favourite fantasy. I used to write about her A LOT! OK, now that I've explained my alias, on to other things. I'm a 35 year old "single" mom. I quoted that because I have a boyfriend, he just lives 5 hours away and neither of us drive. My daughter turns 5 December 22nd. My daughter and I currently live with my dad. Her and I share a room. Her and I both have ADHD. I was diagnosed when I w...
Read more