A Pill To Make You Numb


 

Duloxetine. 

An empty chaos.

Peace and pandemonium all wrapped up in a little yellow and blue capsule. 

I get it. It's not for everyone. It's certainly not for me. I just wish I realized it sooner. 


I have aspirations and motives for them. However, this little thing has been keeping me down and I didn't realize it. I had dismissed it all as depression because that's exactly what it feels like. Apart from that, my anxiety was pretty well non-existent. I could make or take important phone calls. I could leave the house without needing my headphones. I didn't start to shake every time anyone approached me. I was calmer. All-in-all, I felt a lot better. However, the downside to that was the face that it killed my creativity. It killed my will to exist. It took hours for me to even start on an idea, at which point, I'd pretty well be too tired at that point and I'd lie back down like a lump on my bed. I tried watching my favourite movies...just to see if I could get that spark. Nope. Nothing. Even music did nothing for me anymore. 

It felt exactly like depression. I spent about a year like this. meds for ADHD, some for sleeping (Which is wonderful because it puts me to sleep AND I now rely on it to keep my appetite as it seems to be the only way. (Yet another stupid sickness that I deal with.) And the Duloxetine. 

It wasn't until I got sick last month that I started to piece it together. 

I caught a sinus cold. A bad one. Major headaches and congestion for a good 2 weeks. I stopped taking all my meds. No reason to take the ADHD meds when I'm just sleeping. I didn't want to mix the sleep time meds with night time sinus tablets I didn't even really think to take the duloxetine. So, in a couple weeks, I had it pretty well out of my system, for the most part anyway. 

When the sickness finally began to subside, I noticed an increase of creative thought, rekindled excitement, and raw energy. All wonderful things. However, my anxiety has gone sky high. I panic just waking up in the morning. 

I know exactly what the ADHD and sleep meds do, so, by process of elimination, I'd come to the conclusion that Duloxetine has been the culprit this entire time. 

I've had this blog for a year now. I've only got a handful of entries. But I'm feeling better. I want to write again. I want to explore. I want to share my stories. 

I'm finally beginning to feel like myself again. 

Later Freaks,

-Wolfy

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