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Echoes In The Void

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Hey Freaks!   I responded to an online post today. It wasn’t a big deal to most people. Just a comment. A thought. But for me? It felt like stepping into traffic. Like peeling off armor I’ve worn for years and hoping no one throws stones. I’ve spent my life screaming into silence. My voice has cracked, faded, disappeared before it ever reached anyone. And every time I try again, it feels like I’m daring the world to notice me—and praying it doesn’t. I’m an artist. I write things that bleed. My poetry is full of violence and metaphor, pain wrapped in beauty. People read it and feel something, even if they don’t know what I meant. That’s always been the point: to speak in a language only the hurting understand. But this? Speaking out in real time? In public? It’s like dragging my soul into a spotlight I never asked for. I don’t do group chats. My profiles are ghost mode. I lurk, I listen, I vanish. Because being seen is terrifying. Because people are terrifying. And yet...I pos...
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A Pill To Make You Numb

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  Duloxetine.  An empty chaos. Peace and pandemonium all wrapped up in a little yellow and blue capsule.  I get it. It's not for everyone. It's certainly not for me. I just wish I realized it sooner.  I have aspirations and motives for them. However, this little thing has been keeping me down and I didn't realize it. I had dismissed it all as depression because that's exactly what it feels like. Apart from that, my anxiety was pretty well non-existent. I could make or take important phone calls. I could leave the house without needing my headphones. I didn't start to shake every time anyone approached me. I was calmer. All-in-all, I felt a lot better. However, the downside to that was the face that it killed my creativity. It killed my will to exist. It took hours for me to even start on an idea, at which point, I'd pretty well be too tired at that point and I'd lie back down like a lump on my bed. I tried watching my favourite movies...just to see if I coul...
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The ADHD Mental Filing Room

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  Hello Freaks! My fellow ADHDers, this is how I imagine the inside of my brain...Let me explain.  Have you ever called out someone's name, but it wasn't the right one so you shout another, and it still isn't the right one. Eventually, you'll say the right name but it takes a few tries. Or, have you ever told your kid to "go to the kitchen and get ready for bed"? Or maybe end up on autopilot while walking to the grocery store and end up at the corner store instead? See, this is why I imagine filing cabinets. Notice how each example is on the right path but still the wrong thing.  You walk into your brain-room and you're looking in the correct cabinet. This particular cabinet is for the house. Each drawer is a separate room. You open the drawer to the kitchen. You find the folder for utensils and open it. the word you're searching for is 'fork'. But, dammit! Where is that bloody piece of paper? You found 'knife', 'spoon', 'sp...
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Loner

I'm sitting here, in a Tim Hortons. It's a sunny, April afternoon. My kiddo's at school and I'm running errands. I just ordered a couple sausage English muffins, an xl tt coffee and a 'brookie'. I'm hungry.  I'm alone. I like coming here for the energy. If I see someone I know, I'll say hi but I'm not going to invite anyone to sit with me. I'm just weird that way. I'm polite, kind and courteous...but it doesn't necessarily mean I like someone. I'm probably smiling at the thought of hacking their brains in!  Naw...I don't like people but I can't hurt them either. I get thoughts but that's as far as it goes.  Damn ADHD,I'm getting off track.  Mind you, that's another reason I don't talk to people. If I truely said what was on my mind, I'd end up in an institute. People don't have to like me...and they don't NEED to know why. My thoughts stay in my brain for a reason.  I'm strange. I'm a we...
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Who's In The Mirror?

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  Gawd, I despise her. What she's become. She used to be so full of life. She used to be so full of dreams. She had a flame in her soul that needed no spark. She fought for herself. She fought to make a life as she needed. She fought with all she had. Fighting only to make herself better. Small and frail but broke her back to make herself stronger. To be a better worker, to be a better friend, to be a better wife and to be a better mother.  She fought until it nearly killed her. All her optimism is wilting. She's turned jaded. She's weak and frail again...Seemingly much worse than before.  Stupid, broken and pathetic.  ....................................................... I'm messed up. What can I say? I'm not ok and I haven't been for a long time. All I really want is to make a living with my creations. I don't ask much, just enough to raise my daughter well. Get her everything she needs. Start a business making and selling things. I know I can I have my ...
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ArtDHD Paralysis

I want to get Wolfy Bathory Creations up and running. I want to get started so bad. Unfortunately, all the stresses of life just beats me down sometimes. The mental and physical pains are just too much to deal with sometimes. I'm not one to jump on social media and complain. Because of that, when things get bad, I just close myself off. I'll wait till my battery recharges and my brain feels better. It's an introversion thing. I'm very artistic, though. I want to share my work with the world but I don't want pity from people when I'm not feeling right inside. If I post, "I'm having a bad day, I can't find motivation. I can't create today. Sorry guys." I'll end up having my DMs blown up and all I want is to be left alone.  I've been on different meds all year...finally sort of got what works for me. I'm not expecting any miracles here, I just want things to be a little easier. My brain is a jumbled Forest (I capitalized that cause...
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Intro: A Taste Of My Mental State...And Art!

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Hey there, Freaks! 😁 I go by Wolfy Bathory. My alias is a mesh of "Wolfy", The Wolf. My spirit animal. A majestic, family oriented beast. One that can survive alone but works best in a pack fused by respect and love; Fueled by the will to survive and protect the pack. I'd claimed the name "Bathory" many years ago. Back in my my mid-teens, I'd developed an obsession with The Blood Countess, Elizabeth Bathory. I'm not going to dive into my obsession here, I'll just say that I romanticized everything about her. She was my favourite fantasy. I used to write about her A LOT! OK, now that I've explained my alias, on to other things. I'm a 35 year old "single" mom. I quoted that because I have a boyfriend, he just lives 5 hours away and neither of us drive. My daughter turns 5 December 22nd. My daughter and I currently live with my dad. Her and I share a room. Her and I both have ADHD. I was diagnosed when I w...
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Location: Sturgeon Falls, ON P2B 2G7, Canada
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